Building Self-Esteem Requires Self-Awareness

Building Self-Esteem is simple but not easy: and can be a lot of fun.

Author's Musings:

As I was growing up, I discovered I had two great loves. One was psychology and the other was photography. I became a photographer and discovered that the two subjects are not so unrelated. I've played with both from an early age when I could understand them. Through photography, though, I discovered what I think is the 'Simple Truth' about human beings.

As a photographer, the most profound thing that I have come across is the fact that most people don't like themselves, or at least, don't like some things about themselves. I put myself in with the majority. We don't fully accept who we are. Most portrait photographers will be able to identify with me when I say that the most challenging thing about this business is selling people photographs of themselves. On almost every occasion I will hear " I'm not photogenic, I don't take good photographs, or this doesn't look like me". What they are really saying is " I don't like myself"'

Building Self-Esteem Is a Life Long Project! For All Of Us ( So don't Feel You Are Alone)

From an age when we were old enough to be influenced by our families, our teachers, our friends, the TV, magazines and all mediums of communication, we learn what perfect faces and bodies are supposed to look like. Very few of us measure up. So we go through our lives wishing we had smaller noses, thicker lips, thinner thighs, broader chests and so on.

Our abilities and talents are also taken to task by those same influences as we grow and learn. What we say to our young people ( unintentionally much of the time), what has been said to us about what we are like and what abilities we have or do not have, we believe.

Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem

Unpleasant behavior. ( This could be the sub-heading for all the other ones. Let's face it, this is it, in a nutshell! )


Lack of motivation

Absence of Joy

Aggressive behavior...

The list will go on, because, in my opinion, self-esteem or lack of it dictates all of our actions.

Take heart. All is not lost. Earlier I mention that we are influenced by the people in our environment as we grow up. We don't have to believe it!!

Awareness is power. We can stop being victims and start making changes. You are an individual with talents, abilities, interests and a personality that is uniquely yours. There is no one like you in the whole Universe and you are intended here.

It Is Never Too Late To Build Your Self-Esteem

Here is a great resource for building self-esteem. Read on to find out more.

Tap Your Way to Better Self-Esteem with EFT by Aila Accad

You are not born with a self-image. The impressions from people and experiences in the first few years of life shape the beliefs you have about yourself today.

These early building blocks of your self-image and self-esteem occurred outside your control, awareness and choice. It all happened before logical thinking or language development, so it cannot be explained or understood on a rational level. This is why all the talk therapy and affirmations in the world cannot change it. The information is housed on a kinesthetic (energetic), cellular level.

In order to change the core of your self-belief, you need a kinesthetic method that works on the foundation of those beliefs. The most efficient and effective method I have found to do this is the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT).

EFT is an acupressure tapping technique that is able to reach and re-program the kinesthetic (energetic) level which holds the impressions from infancy and early childhood that continue to drive your present beliefs and behavior. On the surface it looks too simple to have such a powerful outcome. Don’t be fooled by its simplicity. Because it works on the source of the issue, results can be and usually are profound.

Self-beliefs are at the core of what you attract into your life. For example, core beliefs about not being deserving can block the financial, relationship or health goals you set for yourself. A core belief about fear of abandonment or annihilation can keep you safe from actualizing your talents and capabilities. Nearly any issue you are unsuccessfully trying to overcome in your life is based in core beliefs.

You can learn and use EFT on your own for surface symptoms and issues like a pain, craving or emotional reaction. When it comes to foundational core issues, it is best to find a skilled practitioner to do the process with you. Your conscious (ego) mind which is also founded on core beliefs resists changes at that level. Having a skilled practitioner will help you ease into the change so the resistance can be released as well.

The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)

There are four parts to the EFT technique - identify the specific symptoms of the issue and its intensity, set up the issue, tap on the acupressure points and integrate the resolution. There are two factors that are vital to your success with the technique, being specific about the issue and staying focused on the symptoms throughout the process.

Step 1 - Identify the specific issue – for example, pain in the right shoulder, shakiness in the abdomen, fear of making a mistake in (specific situation), anger at (specific person) for saying (specific words). Assign a number on a scale of 0 (low)-10 (high) indicating the intensity level you feel.

Step 2 - Set up the issue - While tapping on the edge of your palm (on either hand, where you would chop a karate board), say (aloud if possible), "Even though I have this (name the specific issue), I deeply and completely accept myself." Repeat the phrase 3 times.

If your self-esteem prohibits you from saying you accept yourself, you can say “want to accept myself” or “I’m OK” or some other variation. The point here is that YOU are not the issue. Once the issue is resolved you will still be here. Think about it - You cannot be anything that changes. You were a baby, child, adolescent, adult. Your body, thinking, emotions and situations changed continuously through all those stages of your life and you are still you. You are the being that moved through all those changes. You have a feeling, thought, behavior; you are not those things.

Step 3 - Tap on the Points Stay focused on the issue by using a word or two to remind yourself “this (thought, feeling, situation)” while tapping the top of the head (fontanel area), Eye brow (near the nose), side of the eye, under the eye (all eye points are on the orbital bone), under the nose, in the chin groove, on the collar bone, on the side of the body (about 2 inches below the armpit). The intensity of the issue is often reduced or may be gone just tapping the face/body points. If not, go on to tap the finger points (the side of the finger about where the nail and skin meet) the thumb, first finger, middle finger, baby finger. Use either hand - either side of the body. Reassess your intensity level.

Often the original symptom is gone and another issue or symptom appears. Keep doing the tapping process with whatever thoughts, feelings, memories appear until the overall intensity is low or gone.

Step 4 - Integrate the Resolution – This part of the process activates the left and right brain to integrate the change. Using four fingers tap in the groove on the back of your hand between the knuckles of the ring finger and baby finger while you do these movements: Close your eyes, open your eyes, without moving your head - look down hard to the left and right, roll your eyes clockwise and counterclockwise, hum briefly, count to 5 and hum briefly again. Reassess your intensity level.


You form core beliefs about your self and how life works early in infancy and childhood before the age of reason and language. When your logical solutions to life’s dilemmas are not working, chances are these core beliefs formed outside your control are the source. EFT can help release core beliefs and free you to make new choices to achieve the life you desire because it works on the same kinesthetic (energetic) level on which those beliefs were formed.

© 2010 Aila Accad
Aila Accad, RN, MSN ‘Your Stress-Buster Coach’ is an award-winning speaker, best-selling author and transformation coach who inspires and supports people to free their lives from stress and reclaim inner power. Her bestselling book “34 Instant Stress-Busters, Quick tips to de-stress fast with no extra time or money” is available here..

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