The Extra Mile
What do I mean by going the extra mile? And what does it take to go the extra mile? The extra mile is the missing puzzle piece. To me, the missing piece between saying what we want and creating what we want is doing whatever it takes to get what we want.
The process of creating an event or an experience in our life requires more than a wish. We need to make it a priority, decide what it takes to get to it, make concrete plans and then execute them. For so many people, there is a huge gap in the process.
Since this website is about self-esteem, how we feel about ourselves is foremost in that process. It's a starting point. We need to believe that we deserve it, are capable of making it happen, and have all the other skills that it takes to execute it. If we don't have the skills, we must believe that we are capable of learning them or finding the right person to help. We need to be confident that it is possible.
And it is!!
Even so, there are many places along that road of creation where there can be an obstacle.
To make it a priority, we must really want it. If it is a big lifestyle change, we would have arrived at the point where we no longer want to live this way. In a previous page I wrote that when people or circumstances treat us worse than we treat ourselves, we notice. This is a good place to be ( no matter how bad it feels). That feeling alone is incentive enough for us to make plans. And it's not easy.
We need to understand about the human psych. Our ego presents us with fear to avoid our getting hurt. We need to push through that and feel the fear. The other side of the tunnel is so worth it.
I think we need to understand that our inner belief systems can sabotage us. If we are aware of this and push through our fear, we will be able to create whatever we want.
There are all kinds of books, courses and workshops to teach us and help us to develop and improve ourselves personally. But if we don't understand that we must push through our considerations (what we allow to get in our way) they will be of no help to us at all.
What I call the 'extra mile' is pushing through the self talk, the excuses, the self-sabotage, the stories and the behavior patterns that block the road to our realizing and experiencing what we want.
We all deserve to have love, joy, fulfillment and all the wonderful things that life has to offer. We do!
The Extra Mile in Relationships
The extra mile is also about doing a little more than you need to do. It's about giving more than enough. Sometimes, in order to help ourselves and to help others, we need to give it all we've got, not all we think we have. Doing 'good enough' does not usually make us feel 'good enough'.In relationships, we need to give it all we've got.If that doesn't work, then we can think about other options after that.
When I married my second husband, he was estranged from his ex-wife. They seldom spoke and when it came to special occasions, their sons had to make choices about who to spend their time with.
On one of our first family parties, I suggested that we invite his ex-wife. It came as a shock to him, but he wanted to give it a try. She came, and re-connected with the family again. It has opened up the door for forgiveness on all levels, and his sons now have let go of all the resentments they carried from the past. We are definitely an extended family and his ex-wife said to me today that she really appreciates how open and accepting we all are of each other.
That is what I call going "the extra mile". As humans, we suffer from inadequacies. We get jealous or envious and we behave badly. We all do that. So even when we don't like how someone behaves, we need to understand that they are being the best they can be with what they have learned and where they have been in their life. That's why we need to work hard at accepting others. Ultimately, it will be for the better of all.
Note* When I say that we need to accept one another unconditionally, I am not saying that we need to put up with abuse of any kind from others. If that is what is happening, we can still accept them for being the way that they are but in doing that, we need to make a decision not to accept abuse from that person. If that is happening to you, seek help.
"Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success."Pablo Picasso